Hello everyone.
2020 is about to pass. The plan you made at the beginning of the year…how much did you give up this year?
I don’t know how many friends, seeing this question, will feel pissed?
I understand that many people should have this trouble:
- There are many things I want to do, but I just keep dragging and refuse to do it.
- I always set goals and make plans excitedly, but it is always three minutes of heat, and I let it go in a few days.
- Almost nothing can be done consistently. When encountering some difficulties, it is easy to get discouraged and frustrated…
I have a deep understanding of it myself (forget it, leave it alone, it’s all tears).
So, before the end of the year, write about this topic, hoping to give you some inspiration and thinking.
Best, it can give you a little bit of strength to make the last tail of 2020 a more fulfilling life.
01
In fact, this problem accompanies almost the entire human civilization. It is mentioned in the “Book of Songs”: “There is no beginning to be extravagant, but the end is hard to overcome.” It can be seen that the ancients, like us, also had serious procrastination.
So, why is it always difficult for us to start things well? What is the essence behind this?
In general, it can be divided into two situations:
1) Lack of motivation;
2) Lack of action.
Although they are only one word difference, the difference is very big. The former is the lack of goals, and I feel that everything doesn’t matter. You can do it or not, and there is nothing special. This is what we often call “hollow disease”.
As for the latter, you have goals, motivation, knowing what you want, and knowing what you “do.” But on the way to the goal, the ability to act is insufficient, or it is difficult to overcome one’s inertia; or it is difficult to overcome obstacles on the road.
This article will mainly focus on the latter: I know what to do, but I always hold back, what should I do?
Think about it, what are your performance and feelings when you lack mobility?
- I clearly set a plan. Today I have to recite words/fitness/write codes, but there is always a voice in my heart saying: It’s troublesome, I don’t want to move, it doesn’t matter if I don’t do it for a day…
- Seeing the scheduled task getting closer and closer to the deadline, I became distracted, and I became more reluctant to think about it. I simply waited until the deadline was approaching, and then finished it in one breath, regardless of whether it was done well.
- In the face of some difficult things, I always feel afraid of it before I start to do it. I keep thinking “Will it be difficult?” “What if I fail?” These thoughts linger in my mind and make you delay. Unwilling to do it.
…
These phenomena, we generally call them “lazy”.
However, this simple labeling method is not our goal. Why are some people always full of action in the same situation, but some people have been unable to make progress? What causes “laziness”? And how to change it?
This is what we want to think about.
02
We know that the brain always seeks advantages and avoids disadvantages. It can save energy as much as possible, so as to minimize energy consumption and expenditure.
Therefore, when we are faced with some relatively long-term, arduous and complex challenges, the brain will make a prediction for them, believing that they will cause a lot of energy consumption, so they will produce rejection psychology and hinder our footsteps.
This kind of repulsive psychology, manifested in perception, is a variety of negative emotions. such as:
- Worry: Worry that future challenges will cause us losses;
- Anxiety: There is huge uncertainty about the possibility of the future and it is difficult to judge;
- Frustration: I feel that things are beyond my control and I feel powerless;
…
This created a “dilemma.” Difficulties often come not directly from the challenge itself, but from our fear of the challenge.
In 1981, German psychologist Kuhl discovered that when people face challenges and difficulties, there are two different coping strategies.
The first type: This predicament is so terrible, I have to act quickly, change it, and get out of the predicament.
The second type: This dilemma is so terrible. I have to adjust my state and wait until my state is better, then solve it in one breath.
Kuhl calls the first mentality “ Action orientation”, and the second mentality as “ State orientation”.
You can see: What is the difference between the two? Their beliefs are different.
The former will think: to get out of the predicament, only through action. Therefore, I must act quickly, through my actions, to reduce uncertainty, reduce worries and anxiety about the future, reduce negative emotions, and overcome this challenge.
The latter believes that to get out of the predicament, it can only be achieved through “good performance.” But good performance requires good condition. I am not in good condition now, so I am not suitable for action. I should wait until I get better before I do “good performance”.
The former focuses on the process: I have 100 steps to the goal, even if I only take 1 step, it is a victory; the latter focuses on the result: I want to use the least number of steps to reach the goal, then every step I must Long enough; if you can’t do it, I would rather not do it.
It is obvious: When we say that a person is “lazy” and feel that he is “lack of action”, which mentality does it often belong to? State-oriented.
In other words: Is this person really lazy? Actually not. He may just subconsciously agree with a belief:
In order to guarantee the result, I must have a good condition. Therefore, it is not suitable for action now, and I will wait until I am in good shape before acting.
Therefore, don’t label yourself, and don’t label other people, these are actually traces to follow.
03
So why are there these two different coping strategies?
To put it simply: when you have an intention and want to do something, this intention constitutes a motivation; and when you encounter challenges and produce various negative emotions, these negative emotions form a resistance.
Momentum and resistance wrestle and conflict with each other, forming the “dilemma” mentioned above.
So, how to get out of this dilemma? This requires the participation of another system: the implicit self system (Implicit self).
What is the implicit self system? Simply put, it is a huge self-system formed by a person’s various experiences, beliefs, feedback and knowledge in his past experience.
In daily life, we do not actively think of them; but when we face similar situations, this implicit self system will be activated.
You can understand this as: This implicit self system is essentially a person’s “learned experience” from past experiences, including successful experiences, practices, feelings after success, feedback and affirmation from others, and many more. It is equivalent to a “toolbox” of our brain.
Kuhl’s research found that when a person’s implicit self system is activated, it will bring positive emotions, thereby diluting negative emotions and helping motivation to win in the “motivation-resistance” game. (Kuhl, 2000 & Koole & Coenen, 2007)
Further research found: (Koole & Coenen, 2007)
- “Action-oriented” people, their implicit self system is often activated at the same time with external difficulties and threats, so as to provide them with sufficient action to overcome this predicament;
- Conversely, for “state-oriented” people, their implicit self system will often experience a long delay before being activated. As a result, they are easily deterred by the immediate predicament and cannot move forward.
04
So why is there such a difference? For status-oriented people, what are the reasons for their “delay”?
Here, two reasons are involved.
One aspect is physiological factors. The study found (Schlüter et al., 2018): State-oriented people tend to have larger amygdala in their brains and more sensitive. As a result, they are more likely to pay attention to external stimuli and are more likely to be scared by external challenges. “.
In other words: instead of paying attention to “own experience,” their attention will be more on external stimuli.
You will find that this is consistent with procrastination: state-oriented people are more likely to feel fear from the outside world, so they are more inclined to delay and procrastinate to avoid possible threats.
Psychologist Perpetua Neo believes: Basically, the fear centers in the brains of procrastination patients are stimulated much more often. And because work is full of challenges and threats, they always tend to procrastinate in order to avoid fear as much as possible.
On the other hand is the psychological factor.
Think about it: When a group of friends gather for a meal, are you the one who says “whatever” or “anything”, or the one who volunteered to order?
The department held a meeting, and the leader asked “what do you think?” Are you the one who made decisive suggestions or the one who first saw what everyone said?
Research has found that action-oriented people often need to make decisions “on their own” as they grow up. Over time, they will establish a connection between external threats and autonomy, and establish a strong sense of self-efficacy:
I can make independent decisions to deal with this threat.
This sense of self-efficacy will drive them to pay more attention to their hearts when facing challenges, and make themselves “more confident”.
Conversely, when facing challenges and threats, what is the most common response of state-oriented people? Avoiding, procrastinating, indecisive, and, turning to others for help, seeking outside instructions and help.
In other words: action-oriented people, because they often need to make independent decisions, this habit will form a positive reinforcement, making them more accustomed to thinking about “what I want” and “what do I think” when they encounter problems do”.
However, state-oriented people are more likely to think about “what will others do in this situation?” when they encounter problems, so that they constantly stay in the hesitation and hesitation, and it is difficult to take a step.
The difference in this step is often a huge gap.
05
Well, combined with the above, let us summarize for the time being.
We might as well label the three stages of “no challenge → face challenge → solve challenge” according to the brain’s anticipation and feelings of them, and mark them as:
“1 comfortable → 2 uncomfortable → 3 comfortable”.
So, for action-oriented people, they will pay more attention to the 2→3 stage.
They will think like this: “As long as I solve 2, there will be a broad road.” Moreover, they have enough autonomy and self-efficacy to support themselves through stage 2.
Conversely, people who are state-oriented are more likely to pay attention to the 1→2 stage.
What they think is: “I want to reduce my energy consumption as much as possible, so I can not touch this 2 or this 2”.
At the same time, they often lack a sense of self-efficacy, which makes them tend to think about “how do others do?” “How can I do it so that I don’t make mistakes?”-This has further led to the fact that they are facing challenges, It is easy to appear hesitant.
In other words:
Action-oriented people: often make decisions independently, form positive reinforcement, and build a high sense of self-efficacy; at the same time, they have a lower sensitivity to external stimuli, making them less likely to be intimidated.
The combination of the two makes it easier for them to mobilize their “implicit selves” and are more inclined to overcome obstacles through action.
State-oriented people: lack of autonomy leads to their tendency to get support from others; at the same time, they tend to over-magnify external threats.
This leads them to pay too much attention to the “outside” and “others,” and the “self” appears very small in front of these things and is unable to overcome difficulties.
This difference in mentality and belief is the culprit that keeps us immersed in the mire of avoidance and delay.
Further, you will find that this effect will be more intense for introverts and highly sensitive people.
why?
I said in a previous article: The “fault-avoidance circuit” in the brain of introverts will be more sensitive. When encountering stimuli, they will be more likely to think of negative experiences and avoid repeating the same mistakes. This is similar to the state-oriented “I “How to not make mistakes” is consistent.
Similarly, highly sensitive people are more sensitive to external stimuli and are more likely to enter “deep rumination.” As a result, they are more likely to “over-amplify” external stimuli and threats, thereby making themselves stand still.
Therefore, you will find:
- Extroverts are often more “immediate” and have stronger mobility, but they are also prone to lose impulsiveness and rashness;
- On the contrary, introverted and sensitive people tend to think more comprehensively and plan ahead. However, the ability to act is generally weak, prone to delay and miss opportunities.
These, at the bottom of the logic, are all connected to each other.
06
So, if you are a state-oriented person, what practical techniques can help you change this situation?
Share several effective exercise methods. They may not be able to achieve immediate results, but if you persist, they will definitely change.
1. Practice making your own decisions
As I said before, most state-oriented people have the habit of “getting instructions from the outside world”, that is, when encountering problems and making decisions, they like to observe and consider “what others will do” rather than “how I want to do it.” This is an intensive process.
Therefore, an effective way to exercise is to make more decisions on your own.
Give it a try: When you encounter a situation where you need to make a decision next time, stop saying “anything” or “anything”, and don’t ask others “you decide”. Be decisive and make your own decision.
In this way, to exercise self-efficacy.
Of course, this is not to say that you have to be arbitrarily or disregarding the opinions of others, but that you should not give up the decision-making initiative. On the basis of comprehensive thinking, let yourself be the one who decides.
You can start with some simple scenes that will not have negative impacts (for example: where to have dinner, where to have friends to take him), and then slowly improve to more complex and difficult scenes.
The brain will record every action you take and adjust itself according to it. Therefore, every time you make a decision and get feedback from the results, it is an exercise and affirmation of your brain.
It can continuously stimulate and enrich our “implicit selves” and increase the possibility and frequency of our stimulating it.
Over time, you will become more confident. When you face challenges, you will also have more sufficient action to help you overcome challenges.
2. Do the hard things first
In many cases, we tend to be afraid of difficult things and tend to do peripheral and easy things. While doing it, tell yourself: I don’t do nothing, I still do serious things…
But in fact, the truly important tasks have not been pushed forward.
This will lead to the fact that the fear and pressure brought by the challenge have not been alleviated. It will be lurking in your brain, constantly occupying your background cognitive resources, causing rumination and load, and consuming your energy and energy.
To change this phenomenon, you have to be aware of the existence of this problem and correct your habit: do the most difficult things first, you don’t have to overcome it, but at least you have to “make progress.”
This can bring two results:
1) By contacting difficult things, the brain can greatly reduce the uncertainty about it, thereby clearing it from the backstage of the brain and avoiding the “Ciconi effect.”
2) By taking action and getting feedback from it, the brain can feel more of stage 3 in “1 comfortable → 2 uncomfortable → 3 comfortable”. Thus, the focus of the brain is guided from “1→2” to “2→3”.
Therefore, I really like a classic time management technique called “eating frogs”, which is to do the most important, difficult, and arduous thing first every day. It is not necessarily the longest time-consuming, but it must be the one you most repel and want the least to touch.
When you are done, you will feel refreshed, even if you just take a step forward. Do other things, you will be more motivated.
3. Exercise active procrastination
There are two kinds of procrastination, one is called active procrastination and the other is called negative procrastination.
What is the difference between them? Give a simple example to help you understand:
- There is an important job to be handed in on Friday, and you have been dragging it away and thinking about it. On Friday, you have to “catch the duck to the shelves” to do it, and hand it in in a hurry, leaving a lot of loopholes and problems. . This is negative procrastination.
- There is an important task to be handed in on Friday. You should first figure out and figure out the most difficult links, and then put them there. Wait until Friday, and then do it with one effort to reduce unnecessary thinking and anxiety. Get it done in one go. This is active procrastination.
To put it simply, the difference between them lies in the fact that active procrastination is very clear about “how to do this,” but instead of doing it now, it will do it near the deadline.
In this way, on the one hand, the time and energy spent on it can be minimized, on the other hand, it can give the brain proper pressure, so that the brain “full power” under pressure, and slowly adapt to this rhythm.
Note: Moderate stress will not cause damage, but will increase the flexibility and endurance of the brain. Of course, moderation means: the pressure can not be too much, nor for too long, it is best to control it within the range of “you know you can handle it.”
This is equivalent to an exercise on the brain, exercise it to adapt to stress.
You will find that active procrastination is actually the same as the second point “do the hard things first”: first get through the most difficult steps, and then consciously leave it until the deadline is approaching before doing it, so that you can control the pressure Within an appropriate scope, constantly strengthen your sense of self-efficacy.
4. Build the external brain toolbox
As mentioned earlier: when we are faced with challenges and pressures, a rich and complete “implicit self” can often provide us with motivation and inject confidence and energy into us.
However, most of the time, the implicit self of the state-oriented person is relatively weak, what should we do?
At this time, you might as well give it a try, using the form of a “second brain” to construct this implicit self.
Simply put: it is to externalize our past experience, experience, achievements, and the affirmation, recognition and assistance we have obtained from others into the notes, making it a “toolbox” that the brain can take and use.
Therefore, I have always advocated recording and reviewing for this reason.
On the one hand, keeping a good record and reviewing can make you more aware of your daily life and growth and help you build a complete autobiographical memory; on the other hand, the information you have recorded is in your When you need it, it can also be your precious motivation.
May wish to pay more attention to record these content in peacetime:
- How do I do this well? In this process, what difficulties did I face, what actions did I take, and what experience did I gain?
- What have I gained today? What did I learn, what did I think of? Compared with my past self, where have I grown?
- What kind of feedback and support have I received from others? Are there any words that warm people’s hearts and give me strength that can inspire and support me?
5. Take a panoramic approach
I will roughly divide my daily work into two parts: panoramic thinking and specific implementation.
When thinking in a panoramic view, I will do several things:
1) Outline a picture for the future. Let yourself imagine: what will happen if this thing is done? What kind of state will I be? What can it bring me?
In this way, you can provide yourself with motivation and passion and help yourself “calibrate your goals.”
2) Break down the difficult task: What are the small steps that need to be completed to complete this thing? These small steps can be broken down into which smaller steps?
This step can effectively make the “difficult challenge” “less difficult”, thereby reducing its threat to you and reducing resistance.
3) Digest, process and eliminate anxiety. For every worrying thing, I will think: What is its worst result? How likely is it to happen? What can I do to minimize this possibility?
Then, in the specific implementation, let yourself “don’t use your brain”, just immerse yourself in it. Things that require brainstorming, leave it to the “panorama” and do it later.
This can effectively help you block negative emotions, so that they will not affect and interfere with your actions.
6. Continue to accumulate a sense of accomplishment
I have said in many articles: What is the key to make yourself more positive, more confident, and more passionate?
It is to build a positive cycle, so that you can constantly feel the rewards of “action-positive feedback” to strengthen yourself.
Therefore, you might as well try to spend more time every day in your life and work, and do something that can give you positive feedback.
such as:
- Do a favor to others and answer their confusion;
- Share your own thoughts and experiences, and make your own voice;
- Even the simplest one is to show kindness to others and release some positive and positive signals…
All of these can help you to continuously draw energy in your ordinary and usual life.
When you face challenges, these energies will become your powerful backup.
07
In recent articles, you may find that they actually have a common theme:
As an individual, facing this complex world, it is easy to feel tired, difficult, and at a loss… What should I do at this time?
May wish to call them the “hero series”. 🙂
Because, as Roman Roland said: True heroism is to still love life after recognizing the truth of life.
In fact, many of these articles are my own analysis, summary and refinement.
I hope these thoughts and experiences can give you some inspiration, some thinking, and some strength.
A hero is never a great achievement, but an ordinary person, you and me, who can devote themselves to life, feel life, and enjoy life.
Who is a superhero?
It’s you, it’s me, everyone who lives hard.